10 Takeaways From a Year in France

A growing list.

Well, I’ve officially been living in France for over a year. And what a wonderfully formative year it’s been. I’m excited to see what’s to come in terms of life lessons, food discoveries, and new adventures. In the meantime, I thought I’d share a few takeaways from my life in Bordeaux.

1. Always Be Polite. Bonjour, Au Revoir, Bonne Journée, Bonsoir, Bonne Soirée!

I grew up in North Carolina to the tune of so-called Southern charm, all please and thank yous, no ma’ams and yes sirs, hellos and goodbyes. Manners were second nature, sometimes served with a side of hidden meaning through “bless your heart,” yet still woven into everyday life.

Here in France, politeness is not optional but used reflexively, in every interaction, without fail. It’s a kind of a formal courtesy that doesn’t necessarily invite a conversation or additional interpretation, but it does acknowledge the shared space between two people.

The opening scene of Beauty and the Beast, where Belle strolls through town to a chorus of “Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour!” turns out, not a fairy tale. Step outside my front door on any given morning and I’m greeted by shutters creaking open, neighbors leaning out of windows, and bicycles rolling by. All set to the same cheerful refrain: “Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour!”

Stepping onto the bus means a polite bonjour to the driver, a merci and au revoir as you hop off. Madame and Monsieur of course. Walking into a doctor’s office? The entire waiting room greets whoever enters with a chorus of bonjour, and everyone calls out a collective au revoir when someone leaves. I was stunned the first time it happened, eyes wide open, looking back and forth as if a celebrity had somehow commanded the room.

Even when I landed in urgent care needing stitches, I said more bonjours that day than I’ve ever said “hello” in any American clinic. It’s simply what’s done, a small, consistent gesture of respect. No small talk, no “how are you really doing?” detours, no “verbal handcuffs” of someone’s personal woes. Just clear and courteous, besides if there were any subtext it would be out in the open.

2. Your job does not define you!

At least here in France, rarely does anyone lead with their career goals, income bracket, or a rant about how much they hate their boss and how busy they are. Hustle is not impressive. The simple question “What do you do?” has triggered a listed reply of loisirs (hobbies), little glimpses into someone’s passions far more times than how they earn a paycheck.

I’ve noticed people would much rather talk about what you enjoy doing for pleasure, art, sports, restaurants, anything but work. How inspiring! Honestly, who wants to talk about their job at a party anyway? I mean, I’m always talking about food… so maybe it all blends together.

3. Time off is sacred.

Off the clock, vacations, weekends, and the entirety of Août (August) are non-negotiable times for relaxation and personal enjoyment.

Ever hear the joke comparing an American and a French person’s out-of-office replies?

French colleague message:
I’m currently on vacation. Please leave a message and I’ll reply upon my return in September during regular working hours.

American colleague message:
I’m at the hospital for surgery and unfortunately unavailable from 1–3 pm, but I’ll respond as soon as possible. In the meantime, feel free to reach me on my cell this evening or over the weekend. Thank you so much for your understanding of any delay in my response.

That pretty much sums it up. Or, perhaps, so does the confused look on my French neighbor’s face when I told him I’m working all week and not heading to Cap Ferret for the remainder of August.

4. “oh là là” has layers.

Shock, admiration, annoyance, or a little flirtation all wrapped up into one. The key I’ve found to understanding oh là là is the facial expression of the speaker. Context clues are very important. The tone and direction of the eyebrows are giveaways. I practice my pronunciation by barely opening my mouth, basically mumbling all three syllables for added effect.

5. Making Friends is tough everywhere!

Combine a language barrier with only the Cliff Notes version of someone’s culture, and the meaning of “getting to know someone” completely changes. I was told upon leaving for France, why would a French person want to be your friend? You don’t speak the language, you don’t have the same background, better stick to American expat groups instead. (insert lifted eyebrows)

But aren’t people just people? Putting yourself out there, making the effort, and trying to connect with someone is always going to require diligence, en anglais or en français.

Picture a coffee date where neither of you fully speaks the other’s language, but you bonded over art and Japanese food. Two hours of gestures, mispronunciations, and a mutual determination not to reach for the translation app. It all leads to laughter and a whole new, wonderfully chaotic kind of friendship challenge.

But on the other hand, many people tend to stick to their own social circles. Not knowing how long someone will stay in a city — or a country — can cause hesitancy. I’ve realized that’s true of most big, international cities: friendships can feel temporary, a little transient. Still, you never really know how long a connection will last, or what it will mean to you, so might as well try anyway.

6. PDA is AOK!

When did it become socially unacceptable to show affection in public? Because in France, it’s normal, endearing, and I’m in favor of it. From park blankets to train seats, restaurant tables to museum courtyards, people are holding hands, kissing, hugging, and full-on making out without a care in the world.

Couples of all ages seem delightfully unbothered about intertwining fingers across the dinner table, sharing a kiss at the bus stop, grabbing a little derriere, or snuggling on a park bench. It’s lovely, unapologetically romantic, and a sweet reminder that affection doesn’t have to come with embarrassment.

7. I appreciate French directness.

Maybe it’s because, as a woman who has led teams, run businesses, and obsesses over the details of recipes and photography, I’ve also been called - direct. Gasp! Do we really need a smiley emoji after every comment? Lavish praise for the smallest gesture? Should it be deemed offensive if someone simply answers a question, makes a suggestion, or repeats a word correctly in their own language?

I’m sure this will stir a little controversy, but I honestly believe there isn’t always hidden meaning, sarcasm, or intent to belittle behind a straightforward statement given at face value. Rude? No. Matter-of-fact and, frankly, refreshing? Absolutely.

Caca shweat?.. NO! Cacahuète (kaka-wet). “It’s peanut butter, not owl poop!” Thanks for the help, Duolingo could never.

8. Le Style, Toujours (stylish, everyday)

Clothing doesn’t need to be designer, new, or flashy, but showing up in full-on athleisure outside of the gym is a major faux pas. Messy hair and sweatpants at the supermarché, bistro, or even the dog park? Oh là là! Trust me.

Berets? Not really a thing in Bordeaux. Though I have spotted an elderly couple in my neighborhood rocking matching pairs. Long-term couple goals, clearly. Bright red beret = tourist.

Marinières and leopard print, on the other hand, are everywhere. Sailor stripes and animal spots seem to be just as intoxicating as a good glass of local wine. Effortless, stylish, and somehow just what you needed.

Scarves are for every season, le foulard for warmer days and l’echarpe for the chilly ones. I’m still working on the many stylish ways to tie a silk scarf and wrap a wool one neatly into my coat. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

9. Ça va is basically everything.

No need to elaborate, “it goes” is the question and the answer. Again the tone, body language, and context clues of the situation define the meaning.

• How’s it going? = ça va

• I’m good = ça va

• Is this ok? = ça va

• That’s fine = ça va

• Are you alright? = ça va

• Sure = ça va

• Enough! = ça va

10. Go With the Flow

The buses are not running today, there’s a strike. It’s October, strawberries are not in season. Park is closed, its raining. Today is a holiday. Roads are blocked, there’s a protest. Stores are closed, it’s lunchtime. Come back in September. Cash only. Today is a holiday. The train is delayed. You need to mail a check, yes a paper check. We know your Visa expires in a week, we may not get to it by then, be patient. Did you make a reservation? Pain au cho—, I mean chocolatine s’il vous plait. This needs hot sauce. How many roundabouts are there? The shopping carts are chained. Today is a holiday. Where did all the asparagus go? That was the last baguette!

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